Lost in Memory
by Pen name should be here
Summary: Renee sends Bella to Forks when she can't cope with taking care of her with her new disability, and she and Charlie agree that it would be better for Bella.What will this different Bella make of Forks, and what will Forks make of Bella? First fanfic, R&R?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey guys, my first fanfic, hope you like it! Please read and review! Quick warning: Bella is OOC. Deal with it or read something else. Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters, I'm just playing with the shiny toys and will attempt to return them in 'as new' condition. My work is unbeta'd, so if you find any mistakes, please let me know and I'll correct them! luv ya's all!

I sat in the plane, the vibrations and noises it made almost overpowering my senses. I wanted to get out, to get off, to go back to my previous life…but that was not an option.

Ever since it happened, my mother has been struggling. She couldn't deal with me the way I am now, couldn't deal with the new requirements, or my mood swings. So, she sent me away. She and my father decided between them that a small town would be a better, safer place for me than the big city while I was learning to deal with my life the way it is now, and she had shipped me off without so much as a by-your-leave.

Even since I came home from the hospital, my PT finished, Renee had struggled. She wanted to be with Phil as he traveled, but she couldn't leave me home alone. I knew that that was making her miserable, which is why I let her send me away. I didn't want to come go to Forks. I had always hated it there, but for Renee I would go and pretend to be happy.

I felt the plane start to drop , and shifted in my seat as I heard the landing gear go down. It was a bumpy landing, and I hit my head on the wall where I had leant it.

I heard the people, including the man sitting next to me, exit the plane, and I stood carefully, pulling my cane out of my small shoulder bag.

"Here, miss," one of the flight attendants spoke, startling me, and took my arm gently to lead me off the plane. I allowed it, feeling in front of myself as I went. Being led was fine, until someone didn't realise that they hadn't led you wide enough around this or that obstacle, and you fell flat on your face, or smashed into something.

"Just wait here, miss, your father will be along shortly," the woman told me, leading me to a bench out of the way of the foot traffic.

"Thank you," I replied, but from the sound of her footsteps, the flight attendant was already too far away to hear me. I slumped down on the uncomfortable bench, wishing I could hide. I heard loud footsteps approaching, booted feet I thought, and my father's voice pulled me from my gloom.

"Bells!" he exclaimed joyfully. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Hi Dad," I said as I stood, turning to orient myself on his voice just before he grabbed me in a strong grip, lifting my feet off the ground as he hugged me.

"How you doing, kiddo?" he asked as he set me back on my feet.

"I'm okay," I replied, lying through my teeth.

"Well, let's go and get your luggage," he said, taking my hand and placing it on his elbow so that I was walking beside and just slightly behind him, my cane firm in my grip. I realised that Renee must have told him how to do that, or else he'd been doing some research on his own.

He led me through the crowd to baggage claim, and I followed him silently.

"I got you a new bed, and a desk and a computer," he told me casually as we stood beside the carousel. "Did your mother tell you what your luggage looks like?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's yellow with a thick black stripe," I replied. Charlie grunted in response, and I felt his head turn away from me, the movement translating down through the muscles of his arm.

"Here it is," Charlie said suddenly, and I released my grip on his elbow to allow him to grab it. "Was this all?"

"There should be two bags, the same size," I told him. It wouldn't have been so much, but I had accumulated so much stuff to deal with everything; books in Braille in particular were so much bulkier than normal books.

"So, you start school tomorrow," Charlie said, taking my hand and placing it on his elbow again, refusing my help with the bags, and led the way through the airport. He helped me into the car, something I still wasn't very good at, mostly because they were all different; different sizes, different shapes, different distances from the ground…I supposed that, if I couldn't manage the walk to and from school I would be riding in this car an awful lot and would get used to it.

Charlie didn't speak from the time he got into the car, other than to ensure that I had my seatbelt done up correctly.

That was fine with me. Charlie's behaviour was one of the other reasons I hadn't fought my parents over the decision to move me to Forks, I didn't have to worry about him hanging over me every moment, freaking out over every single mood swing and scraped elbow.

I dozed for most of the trip to the house, waking fully when the car jerked to a stop. I heard Charlie get out and undid my seatbelt, then, opening the door carefully, I unfolded my cane outside of the car, like you would an umbrella, and used it to feel the distance to the ground. I then swung my legs around and carefully stood, exiting the car on my own. I felt a small surge of accomplishment at this, and grinned to myself as I heard Charlie approach, pulling my two bags behind him.

"Here, Bells," he said, brushing his arm against mine so I could take his elbow. "Unfortunately there's nowhere to put a bedroom on the first floor, so you still have your old room…" he trailed off, uncertain.

"It's fine, Dad, I'll get used to it," I assured him quickly.

He led her carefully into the house and up the stairs to her room. "There are shelves to the left and a desk with a computer in the corner to your right, and the bed is straight ahead, I'll put the suitcases there. Do you need help unpacking?" he sounded uncertain, and I smiled slightly.

"No, Cha...Dad, it's fine, I can do it myself. Thanks for the offer," he left the room and I closed the door behind him then set about memorising the layout carefully. I found the shelves first, completely empty, which would be useful, then the bed with the suitcases on top. Once I had everything placed in my mind and had done my best to memorise the number of steps it took to get from one spot to the next, I turned my attention to unpacking.

Opened the first suitcase, the one that said 'Clothes' in my own shaky Braille script on the tag, and started unpacking, being sure to hang everything in the closet with the Braille tags outwards so I would know what was what.

I then turned my attention to my second suitcase, and carefully unpacked my books, placing them lovingly on the shelves pushed back enough that the Braille on the bindings wouldn't be damaged by someone brushing past. I then unpacked my CDs and CD player, organising them just so on their shelf so I could find what I wanted quickly and easily. My Braille textbooks, which I had had to get for myself, went into my backpack, along with my stylus, paper frame and paper. I put my toiletries aside to put in the bathroom, and my small bottle of prescription pain medication went on my beside table.

I heard the doorbell ring downstairs, and Charlie called up, "Bells, dinner's here!"

I picked up my cane and made my way out of my room, nowhere near comfortable enough in my surroundings to walk without it. I made my way slowly down the stairs, one hand gripping the banister, the other carefully feeling in front of my with my cane.

As I reached the bottom and paused, Charlie called out to me. "In here, Bells. I got pizza, hope that's alright."

"It's fine, Dad," I replied, just grateful that, firstly, he hadn't tried to cook, and secondly, he had ordered something I could eat with my fingers. I was slowly learning to use cutlery again, but it wasn't a pretty sight. I made my way into what I remembered being the lounge room, and heard Charlie stand. "There's a chair to your right, Bells," he said, moving to guide me to it.

"I'll find it," I snapped, raising a hand to stop him, and swung my cane around until it encountered something soft. I sat quickly and smiled slightly in triumph. A moment later, a flash of remorse filled me. "Sorry, Charlie, I didn't mean to snap, I just..." I couldn't finish my sentence, feeling bad for being so rude when he was just trying to help. I got my independent nature from my other and my clumsiness from my father, but I wish I could get him to understand this.

"That's okay, Bells. Two pieces enough?"

"Plenty," I replied as I heard the chink of china, and a moment later he approached. I put my hand out and he handed me a plate. I ran my hand around the edge until I encountered a piece of pizza.

We ate quickly and, when I finished, Charlie took my plate.

"Umm...Dad, before I go to bed, could you show me where the bathroom is and where I can keep my stuff?" I asked, uncertain.

"Of course, sweetheart. Sorry, I should have done that earlier," he said quickly, and I heard him stand. I followed him back upstairs and he led me to a door at the end of the short hall, only a few steps past my own, "I put up a shelf for you here," he guided my hand up to feel it. "I put a ledge on it so your stuff wouldn't fall off."

"Thanks, Dad," I said, my eyes watering slightly at his thoughtfulness.

"I'm gonna go and catch the end of the game," he told me, sounding slightly awkward at my gratitude.

"Okay, Dad, I'm pretty tired, so I'm gonna go to bed," I told him. I collected my toiletries and set them out on the shelf, everything just so. I was sure that, if anyone ever came through here and didn't know about me, it would look like I had OCD.

I brushed my teeth and braided my hair back from my face, then headed to bed.

I woke gasping, my mind fogged with dreams I couldn't remember. My head ached, the skin around my eye sockets felt tight, stretched, and I knew the damaged muscles were pulling too tight. I fumbled around and found my alarm clock, pressing the button on top.

"Five thirty AM," said the cool female voice. I got out of bed with a sigh and took out my braids before selecting an outfit and laying it on my bed. I took a long shower, working some of the tension out of my shoulders and head, washing with painstaking slowness as I kept hitting myself on the sides of the shower, it being much smaller than the one I used in Phoenix.

Finally dressed, I made my way downstairs, my bag slung on my back, and found Charlie sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee.

"Hey, Dad," I muttered as I made my way slowly into the room. I tripped suddenly, over nothing but my own feet, and ended up measuring my length on the floor.

"Bells! Are you alright?" Charlie was beside me, trying to help me up, but I shook his hands off.

"I'm fine," I snapped. "Leave me alone." I shook off his hands, which felt more like restraints than the caring help I knew they really were, shuddering away from his touch as it stirred up things best left in the inky blackness my mind had ascribed them too.

That's right. Not only was I blind but, other than odd flashes, I couldn't remember how I got this way. I had odd nightmares every night, which I forgot soon after waking except for the terrified, sickened feeling they left behind, and sometimes a smell, a particular phrase or a feeling gave me the shudders, but I didn't actually know why.

In the six months that I spent in hospital, recovering and undergoing intensive PT, I had also seen a therapist, but nothing had come of it. Those two weeks, as well as some of the time before and after, were a complete blank to me. I honestly didn't know if I wanted to remember, and the therapist told me that, until I did, I probably wouldn't, and that I would continue to suffer from the nightmares and flashes.

"Come and have some breakfast," Charlie told me, ignoring my rude behaviour, which I already felt ashamed of. "Renee said you like breakfast bars, so I got you some. There's fruit juice here too."

Head down, I made my way over to the table and took the plastic wrapped bar Charlie handed me, opening it quickly. I took a bite and chewed slowly, shame filling me once more. He had bought my favourite kind, something else Renee must have told him, and it settled in my belly like a lead weight as I thought once more of how I had acted.

"Apple juice?" Charlie asked.

"Yes please, Dad. I...I'm sorry," I stumbled over the apology.

"It's alright, kiddo. I understand, it's not easy. Your mom understands too…" his voice trailed off as he took in what I'm sure was a mulish expression on my face. "Do you want to pour it?" he offered, having realised that I liked to do be independent.

"Yes please," I replied, and he passed me the juice and a glass. I carefully took the lid off the juice and, taking the glass I hooked one of my fingers over the edge to feel when it was full and started to pour. When I was done I recapped the juice and pushed it further onto the table.

"I'll drop you at school on the way to work. Do you have everything?" asked Charlie a few minutes later, when I'd finished my meagre meal, and I nodded, having packed it all the night before. "What about lunch money?"

"All folded so I know which bills are which, Dad, don't worry," I told him.

"All right then, we should probably head out," he said, and I nodded and followed him to the cruiser.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So sorry this took so long to get out. Hope you all enjoy it! Love xx PNSBH

We pulled up into what I assumed was the school parking lot, and I carefully exited the cruiser, an action I was finding easier each time. I heard Charlie get out and fumbled for my bag, managing to hit my head on the doorframe as I pulled it out. Ignoring the pain, I swung it onto my back and carefully closed the door just as Charlie reached me.

"The office is over here," he said, taking my hand and guiding it to his elbow. To his credit, he didn't offer to take my bag, although I could almost feel how much he wanted to. "I had a Braille map made for you," he said, sounding hesitant. "Actually, I had a set of maps made; one of Forks, one of La Push and one of the school. The other two are at home, but I brought the one of the school for you. They're still probably going to insist that you let someone show you around, at least for the first day, but you can live with that, can't you?"

I, meanwhile, was trying to swallow the enormous lump that seemed to have blocked my throat. "Thanks, dad," I said softly, running one finger under the rim of my sunglasses, stopping the tear that was standing at the corner of my eye. "That means a lot." I took the stiffened board from him, carefully running my fingers over the bumps and lines that were so much of my world now, keeping me connected to life.

"You're welcome, sweetheart. Five steps here," he told me. I climbed them carefully, feeling each one by tapping my cane on it vertically before taking it. I could hear conversations break off, then soft whispers start as we made our way through one door, then another, the sound abruptly cutting off as the second door closed behind us.

"This must be Isabella!" said a cloyingly caring female voice, and I mentally rolled my eyes, only just holding back a groan. "We had a special printer delivered, if you need anything printed, just come to me here at the office and I'll take care of it for you." This sentence immediately put me more in favour with her, however annoying she may be. "Now, here is your timetable," she handed me a piece of Braille printer paper, "and this piece of paper," this one, I could feel, was completely smooth, unmarked by braille, "is for your teachers. I need you to get them to sign it and bring it back to me this afternoon, alright? Now, I've asked one of the students to show you around for the day, to help you get your bearings. She should be here shortly, if you'll just take a seat…"

"I need to get going, Bells," Charlie said awkwardly, and I nodded, smiling in his direction. I heard him turn and then the outer door swung open, letting in a cool, slightly moist breeze before it closed behind him with a slight thud.

"Ummm…so, which direction are the chairs?" I asked awkwardly, turning my head one way, then the other.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the woman fluttered, and I heard her standing, starting to come towards me.

"No!" I snapped, holding up a hand. "Just…tell me which way," I said more calmly.

"To your left," the woman said, soundly rather annoyed. I found the chairs easily enough and sat Laying my precious map carefully across my knees I started examining it, soon discovering the 'key' in one corner, surrounded by a raised border, and then set about memorising several important locations and their proximity to her current position.

The office door opened, and I caught a whiff of an intoxicating scent.

"Hi," said a musical voice right in front of me, and I realised I hadn't heard the girl, for it was a girl, move. Her footsteps were so light that, even with my sharp hearing, I didn't hear her movements. "You must be Isabella. I'm Alice, Alice Cullen. It's lovely to meet you."

I extended my hand, realising after a moment that she wasn't going to touch me without an obvious invitation, a decency most sighted people didn't have, and she took it. I almost flinched, her skin was so cold, but I held firm and shook, schooling my features to not show my shock. "You too," I replied.

"So, you have English first, right?"

"Yep," I replied, carefully slipping the protective cover over my map and sliding into my bag before standing and unfolding my cane. "Just show me the way." I grinned in her direction.

"Here," she said, taking my free hand and guiding it to her elbow, led the way carefully out of the office.

"You know what you're doing," I commented, relieved. I had been expecting a bumbling, uncertain teenager who would probably walk me into things all day. This girl, if she hadn't done this before, had at least read up on it, and I was fairly sure that she hadn't just read up on it out.

"What, you thought they'd have you shown around by some bumbling fool who would walk you into walls all day?" asked Alice with a laugh. "Actually, I can understand that concern. Now, are you ready to start counting steps?"

"Absolutely," I replied. "I'll get you to show me the way in from the car park later."

"Here we go. From the door of the office."

As we set out, I started building my mental map of the school – a matter of simple arithmetic. Forty steps and two left turns from the office to my English classroom with two other corridors branching off between the two, nine steps from the door to my desk, two rows across and three seats back. Alice had the desk next to mine, but she seemed content to sit in silence for now, allowing me to get settled.

I carefully set out my things, again with an OCD like level of neatness.

There came a thump from in front of me, that I thought was probably someone dropping their book bag on the ground, and then a voice spoke.

"You must be Isabella," a young man said, grabbing my hand at the same time.

I flinched, yanking away from him. "Don't touch me!" I took a deep breath to calm myself. "Sorry. Yes, I'm Bella. And you are?"

"I'm Eric," the boy replied. "I was wondering if you needed any help, with reading or showing you places or anything."

"No, thank you. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself," I told him curtly. This had been the sort of offer I had been dreading – a well meaning but bumbling teenager who didn't know what they were doing, and who would make me feel about a hundred times worse, more disabled and clumsy than I already did.

"Well, would you like to sit with us at lunch?" he asked hopefully. I tried to hide my wince; I was still uncomfortable with the idea of a whole group of people watching my somewhat fumbling attempts to feed myself; the last thing I needed was someone thinking they needed to help.

"Maybe. I'll think about it." Fortunately, whatever else he may have said was cut off by the arrival of Mr Mason, the English teacher. He gave me a booklist printed in Braille and signed the piece of paper for the office, then started the class. I ran my fingers over the list, and was relieved to find that I had actually read and owned everything on it, which would save me from either paying for the books on tape or in Braille.

The rest of the morning went in much the same manner. When it came time for lunch, I followed Alice into the cafeteria and joined the queue for food.

"What do you want to eat?" Alice asked me softly as she handed me a tray.

"Something I can eat with my fingers," I replied nervously. It was the first time I had eaten out since a nasty experience in the hospital cafeteria, and I was scared.

"A hot dog and an apple, than?"

"That'd be perfect," I replied. "And a soda, if there is any."

"Right here," Alice said, setting things on the tray I was holding.

"Great," I said, smiling tightly as I tried not to think about what could potentially happen over the course of an hour. I set the tray down on the narrow shelf and took my wallet out of the buttoned pocket of my jacket. I carefully removed a bill that was folded in half lengthways – a five-dollar note. I handed it over and took my two quarters in change, then took Alice's elbow again and followed her over to the table where she ate lunch.

She had sounded so excited when she said I was going to eat lunch with her, that I was going to meet her family and they would love me, that I had agreed without any argument whatsoever. Now, we were heading to a table were I would sit, eat and be polite to a whole group of strangers.

I was forced to let Alice lead me, as I didn't have a hand free to use my cane, and I found the feeling of dependence was an uncomfortable one. I sat in the seat she led me to, setting my tray down.

"Bella, I'd like to introduce my boyfriend, Jasper," Alice said.

"Hi," I said, extending my hand across the table, and it was taken in a grip as cold and hard as the one I had gotten used to all morning.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella," a musical voice, deeper in tone than Alice's but no less beautiful, said. "Emmett and Rose will be soon, they got held up," I could hear the amusement in his voice, and could imagine what it was the two of them had gotten 'caught up' in. "And Edward should be here in a minute." It suddenly struck me what odd, old-fashioned names Alice's siblings had. Even hers wasn't exactly in popular usage anymore.

I reached for my tray and found the plate with the hotdog, lifting it to my lips and taking a careful bite. And choked as Alice said something absolutely horrifying.

"So, I'm going to have to take Bella shopping as soon as possible," the tiny menace was declaring.

"Oh no," I said, moving to immediately head off this alarming development. "Alice, I don't go shopping. Besides, I don't need anything!" I insisted. In truth, my savings, which had been intended for a second hand car, had been used up converting various things in my life into 'blind-friendly' format.

"Come on, Bella, please!" she begged. "Please please please please please?"

I groaned and wished I could roll my eyes. "Maybe," I said grudgingly. I set down my hotdog and carefully took my soda off the tray, grasping the cap and attempted to twist it off.

"Let me," said Alice when the lid clearly wasn't budging. I shook my head and took a stronger grip on the bottle, determined not to let it conquer me. I just managed to get it to start turning when I heard one or more of the other chairs start to pull back from the table.

"Emmett, Rosalie, this is Bella," said Alice, saying the sentence as though it held some hidden meaning I was unaware of.

There was a faint, female, snort of derision when I extended my hand, and then it was taken in another one, this was large but still as cold and hard as Alice and Jasper's.

"It's nice to meet you both," I said, smiling gently.

"Why is she sitting here?" demanded a coolly aloof female voice.

"Because she's my friend," replied Alice, an odd growl echoing through the words. "And I asked her. Get over yourself, Rose."

"She doesn't belong here," Rose insisted, her tone cutting, and I felt the words sink into my heart, like so many others I had heard since my accident, telling me that I could take part, couldn't come, couldn't go.

I stumble to my feet, mumbling something even I don't understand under my breath and turn to go, when suddenly I stopped. I wasn't doing this, not this time. Something snapped inside of me, and I whirled back to face the table.

"No, you know what, I don't belong here, and I'm so sorry, Rosalie," I snarled. "I'm sorry that the blind girl doesn't fit into your perfect, pampered world view. I'm sorry that my parents for some insane reason decided that I wasn't as safe in the big city, which has such modern innovations as pedestrian crossings, as I supposedly will be in back country Forks, where I could easily walk under a car for lack of one. I'm sorry that they thought that people might be more open and welcoming in the backwoods than they are in the cities. But you know what, I am here, and I'm stuck here, so I guess you're stuck with me." So saying, I sat back down and picked up my food, forcing myself to take a bite, chew, and swallow, even though it seemed like a lump of lead.

A moment or so later, a great, guffawing laugh echoed from the other side of the table.

"Emmett!" cried Rosalie in indignation.

"I like you," Emmett said to me, and I could almost feel the force of his grin upon me.

"Go away, Rose," snapped Alice, and I heard a chair scrape back from the table and angry footsteps retreating from us. "Bella? Are you alright?" Alice's voice was gentle and concerned, and I realised that my hands were shaking.

"Yeah…I should apologise to her, most of that had nothing to do with her," I muttered. "I just…I always hated Forks. They knew how much I hated it here, but my mom…she couldn't cope, and she'd just gotten married, and she was so unhappy, so here I am."

"Don't," advised Jasper. "She's needed to be taken down a few pegs for a while now."

I head a new set of footsteps approaching, and my sensitive hearing could already tell that this was another member of this strange family; the footsteps were light in a way that a normal teenagers weren't, even Rose's footsteps when she was angry had sounded oddly light and graceful.

"This must be Edward," I said, turning towards the footsteps and smiling gently, hoping that this member of the family would be like the majority of his siblings, and nothing like his sister Rose.

"Hello," said the boy, his voice soundly oddly stifled.

"Edward? Are you alright?" asked Alice, her voice full of solicitous concern.

"No, I was actually just coming to tell you I'm going home. I'm not feeling well," he replied, still in the same strangled tone of voice.

"Yes, I think that's a very good idea," agreed Alice, her tone now somewhat urgent. "You don't look well at all. In fact, Jasper, why don't you help Edward out to the car, right now?" she suggested, her tone forceful.

I was startled by her tone, which seemed much more forceful than a bout of flu should invoke, but even more startled by the speed with which I heard Jasper relax.

"It was nice meeting you, Bella, I'll see you around," he said to me quickly. "Come on, bro, let's get you out of here." I heard him talking to Edward as they moved away, but it was too quiet and too fast for me to make out any words.

"So, we've got Art next," Alice said, bringing my attention back to the table.

"I still don't know how I'm supposed to do art," I admitted, uncertain.

"Some of the worlds best sculptors are blind," Alice replied, tone light. "You just feel the shape in the thing you're trying to recreate, and then you mould the clay to match it."

"Sounds like fun," I admitted. "And then I get to try and play a musical instrument while you get to try and play ball, because no one has quite figured out how to force a blind girl to do PE with sighted people." I really had not reason to miss playing sport, an event that had always ended with myself or someone else injured.

I finished my lunch, and Alice and I left the cafeteria, heading for the art room.


End file.
